The classroom was bathed in the burning orange of the after-school hours. The only sound was the distant drone of the baseball club practicing outside.

Yumi stood on top of her desk. Hands on hips. Chest puffed out.

“Fufufu… Miyuki-chaaaan~.”

Miyuki turned a page of her vocabulary book. “Get down. You are blocking the light.”

“Small! Your thinking is so small!” Yumi hopped down, landing with a heavy thud and invading Miyuki’s personal space. Her grin was blindingly smug. “I have found it. The Truth. The Absolute Meaning of Life.”

Miyuki didn’t look up. “Is that so? Let me guess. It is the limited-edition pudding from the convenience store?”

“Do not insult me! This is serious!” Yumi wagged her finger. “I have transcended!”

Miyuki sighed, spinning her mechanical pencil. “Fine. If you are being serious… then it is Friendship. The bonds we share.”

“Naive!” Yumi crossed her arms into a big X. “That is Shonen Jump logic! That is for kids! In real life, holding hands does not give you a power-up. Relying on others is just a weakness waiting to happen!”

Miyuki rested her chin on her hand, looking bored. “Okay. Then it is Love. The ultimate human connection.”

“Ugh, most romcoms are mid anyway!” Yumi puffed out her cheeks. “It’s always the same tropes, over and over. If the meaning of the entire universe is just a repetitive sub-genre with bad pacing, then the Creator is a hack!”

“Then Self-Actualization,” Miyuki said flatly. “Achieving your dreams. The journey of becoming who you want to be.”

“Filler episodes!” Yumi leaned in, eyes narrowing. “The ‘journey’ is just padding! It is boring, but people cope and say it is character development. And the destination? It is just the final episode. You finish it, and then what? Post-Anime Depression. You just sit there, empty, waiting for a Season 2 that never comes!”

Miyuki blinked. That… actually hurts a little.

“Then the Pursuit of Knowledge,” Miyuki tried again. “Understanding the truth of the world.”

“Useless.” Yumi waved a hand dismissively. “Trying to understand the universe is like the Terms of Service. It is too long, it makes no sense, and you have no choice but to click ‘Agree’ just to exist here.”

“Then Existentialism,” Miyuki droned. “There is no meaning. You make your own.”

“Delusion!” Yumi shouted. “That is just writing bad fanfiction! You are just shipping yourself with a purpose that is not canon! It is head-canon, Miyuki-chan! It is not real!”

Miyuki rubbed her temples. “Then… God. The Divine. Reconnecting with the higher power.”

“Deus Ex Machina!” Yumi slammed her hands on Miyuki’s desk. “Lazy writing! That is just the creator not knowing how to resolve the plot holes! Rejected!”

Miyuki finally closed her book. She looked at Yumi—the chaotic silhouette against the sunset, the absolute, unwavering smugness radiating from her face.

“So,” Miyuki said. “The direct answer. Give it to me.”

Yumi’s grin widened, becoming impossibly wide. She beckoned Miyuki closer with a slow, dramatic gesture.

“Come closer, Miyuki-chan~”

Miyuki leaned in.

Yumi cupped her hands around Miyuki’s ear.

“The meaning of life is…”